Clovis' Memoirs

As you can see, the title say everything.

 

Thats mean I will not blog at here but I will blog at blogspot.

 

This will be the last blog at spaces but you can still go to blogspot to see my blogs.

 

Taking shower actually is very fun and realxing.

Inside the bathroom, letting the water passsing through your body.

It's cool and refresing.

It's the way you relxing yourself, without worries.

It's the moment that you fell it's not the end of the world.

So, everytime I take shower, nearly half an hour.

Half an hour is not a big deal.

Do you know that when some gal take shower more than 3 hours?

They actually stay inside the bathroom for more than 3 hours!

Gosh! It's unbelieveable.

 

Today is the 4th day in Swinburne and the 1st day I started my study.

This few day really bored and lonely.

I just hang out with couple of friends.

Going to The Spring, shopping to buy some stuff.

Staying inside the hostel, with my laptop.

I think I'll be very busy with my homework.

Although I haven't got much homework.

I only took about 10-15 minutes taking my shower.

It's because the water is too cold and I can't stand it.

So, I've to do it fast.

Nowadays can't shower like when I was at home.

Alone now and also away from my home.

Until now I have't used the washing machine at here.

I think I'm afraid to use that washing machine. lol.

I think I'm gonna use it this afternoon or tomorrow.

A lot of my clothes haven't wash.

Sigh...

It's funny when you find you yourself looking from the outside,
I'm standing here but all I want is to be over there.
Why did I let myself believe miracles could happen?
Because now I have to pretend that I don't really care.
I thought you were my fairy tale.
A dream when I'm not sleeping.
A wish upon a star that's coming true.
But everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth.
When there was me and you.
I swore I knew the melody that I heard you singing.
And when you smiled you made me feel like I could sing along.
But then you went and changed the words.
Now my heart is empty.
I'm only left with used-to-bes and once upon a song.
Now I know your not a fairy tale.
And dreams were meant for sleeping.
And wishes on a star just don't come true.
Because now even I can tell that I confused my feelings with the truth.
Because I liked the view.
When there was me and you.
I can't believe that I could be so blind.
It's like you were floating while I was falling.
And I don't mind.
Because I liked the view.
I thought you felt it too.
When there was me and you.

1.59 am, 3 March 2009, Tuesday.

A new month, a new beginning?
The end of the February, the starting of the March.
Yesterday I woke up so early.
Around 9.40 am already woke up.
Guess what? It's because I need to bring my sister to school.
My mom said it's not safe for her go walk to school.
My mom scared her would be kidnap by people. O_O"
So, I had no choice at all but to do my duties.

 

For these few weeks, I had been locked myself alone inside my house.
I didn't go out, I didn't sms, I didn't communicate with the people outside, although i got my handphone.
All I did were listening to music and watching something from PPStream.
Sms and playing Maple? No at all.
I used to tell my friends that putting the earphones to listen to music was not good.
Nonetheless, I was doing that.
Somehow I didn't care about my ears and don't mind I becoming deaf soon.
I love PPStream.
I watched all kind of movies and dramas from PPStream.
I didn't mean those porn. -_-"
PPStream roar...!

4.23 a.m., 28 February 2009, Saturday.

I felt restless.

Maybe overloaded.

Trying to be prefect in everything.

I'm struggling so hard.

Hoped that everything back to normal.

I blamed myself, for the choice I made.

I regret for the choice I made.

Just because of my selfishness and laziness, I lost the things that should belongs to me.

When I saw those photos, I knew photos were histories and memories.

If I can time travel, I hope that I can fix everything.

I understood that I'm not 3 years old boy.

I tried to be mature and not act like a child.

I should accept the fate and do my part, play my roles.

 

It's had been a while that my blood test result comes out.

I think it's the time I should go and have a look.

WIth my unbalanced diet and unhealthy lifestyles, who knows what will happen.

4.03 a.m., 27 February 2009, Friday.

This is the blog before I'm going to sleep.

There were things that were bothering me.

It's makes me can't sleep.

Everytime I can't sleep, I would try to make myself tired,

So that I can go sleep.

I make my mind feel tired so that I can just lay on the bed and sleep.

I can still remember the very last time when I was like that.

It's months before the SPM.

I kept looking at the watch.

It's middle of the night, nearly dawn.

2 or 3 a.m. in the morning.

I slept at 12 a.m. and stay awake until 3 a.m.

I was thinking at that moment, I can't stop thinking.

Stuff just pop out from my mind from nowhere.

I tried to forget about the pass, tried to make myself to believe that the things left were the histories and memories.

Somehow I need to accept the fate, my destiny.

I admit that I was not mature enough and childish minded, and too playful.

Sometimes I joke too much and make people to believe that I was like some kind of playboy.

I always serious in the things I were doing.

I told my friends when they were joking at the wrong times.

I tried to keep my promises to my friends so that I will become more irresponsible.

Once I tried to became a perfect guy.

Nonetheless, no one was perfect.

Neither me nor you were perfect.

Human was weak, I'm weak also.

There are no perfectness.

12.58 am, Friday, 27 February 2009.

After what I have been though, i think blogging was my life.

After all, you can find all the stuff about me in my blogging website.

How terrible I'm, how nice i'm, how faithful i'm, how stupid i'm.

I maybe a stupid person, crazy and insane, childish, ummature minded

How I felt about you and everything.

The nice and those awful memories of mine.

 

Everytime I online, i check out my friends.

Tried my best to communicate with them, tried not to mess up everything.

I did hope February 2009 end fast and March come fast.

So that I could start all over again.

I always tell myself to stay awake.

When I was blur or out of mind, yelling and shouting at other people,

I sit there and breathe easily.

Inhale the air and exhale the air.

Again and again.

Just like when a pregnant woman gonna to give birth.

Don't laugh because it's sure make me comfortable.

When I out of my mind, when i'm angry, when i'm sad, when i'm gonna to cry, when i'm thinking to suicide,

I BREATHE.

 

I like blogging, although i'm using broken english and wrong grammar.

That will not stop me from blogging.

It's embarrassing...hahaha...

Blog just like an online diary.

An online diary that everyone can read it.

Do you know that it's weird?

People at 20th century tried hide their diary from been read by people.

Now, people at 21th century tried to give other people to read their diary.

Time have changed, maybe it's the time for me to change again.

I want to start all the things again.

So, I went to cut my hair 2 days ago.

The new hair style looks awful.

All my long hair had gone, only left short hair, very short hair.

The hair stylist make me looks like a sissy.

I got many feedbacks from my family and friends.

All of them said it looks terrible.

I have decided to razor my hair until bald.

I'm going to become insane.

Perharps I will razor my hair this week.

The time now is 2.07 am (GMT+8), 26 February 2009, Thursday.

I just finish taking my shower.

I can't sleep.

So, I go online and post some blog.

Recently, a lot of things were bothering me.

I tried not to think.

Nonetheless, the things just kept appear inside my head and make my head so big.

Most of the time, to make me stop thinking about those things, I put myself in hibernating mode.

I slept for all the time, just to avoid my mind from thinking.

 

It's totally a disaster.

My printer was broken.

And I can't print anything.

My air con broken too.

Lying on my bed, felt the hotness.

Sweat coming out from my sweat glands.

That make me felt like to kill someone to relief my pain.

It's all crap...

crap...! crap............................!