As you can see, the title say everything.

 

Thats mean I will not blog at here but I will blog at blogspot.

 

This will be the last blog at spaces but you can still go to blogspot to see my blogs.

 

Taking shower actually is very fun and realxing.

Inside the bathroom, letting the water passsing through your body.

It's cool and refresing.

It's the way you relxing yourself, without worries.

It's the moment that you fell it's not the end of the world.

So, everytime I take shower, nearly half an hour.

Half an hour is not a big deal.

Do you know that when some gal take shower more than 3 hours?

They actually stay inside the bathroom for more than 3 hours!

Gosh! It's unbelieveable.

 

Today is the 4th day in Swinburne and the 1st day I started my study.

This few day really bored and lonely.

I just hang out with couple of friends.

Going to The Spring, shopping to buy some stuff.

Staying inside the hostel, with my laptop.

I think I'll be very busy with my homework.

Although I haven't got much homework.

I only took about 10-15 minutes taking my shower.

It's because the water is too cold and I can't stand it.

So, I've to do it fast.

Nowadays can't shower like when I was at home.

Alone now and also away from my home.

Until now I have't used the washing machine at here.

I think I'm afraid to use that washing machine. lol.

I think I'm gonna use it this afternoon or tomorrow.

A lot of my clothes haven't wash.

Sigh...

It's funny when you find you yourself looking from the outside,
I'm standing here but all I want is to be over there.
Why did I let myself believe miracles could happen?
Because now I have to pretend that I don't really care.
I thought you were my fairy tale.
A dream when I'm not sleeping.
A wish upon a star that's coming true.
But everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth.
When there was me and you.
I swore I knew the melody that I heard you singing.
And when you smiled you made me feel like I could sing along.
But then you went and changed the words.
Now my heart is empty.
I'm only left with used-to-bes and once upon a song.
Now I know your not a fairy tale.
And dreams were meant for sleeping.
And wishes on a star just don't come true.
Because now even I can tell that I confused my feelings with the truth.
Because I liked the view.
When there was me and you.
I can't believe that I could be so blind.
It's like you were floating while I was falling.
And I don't mind.
Because I liked the view.
I thought you felt it too.
When there was me and you.

1.59 am, 3 March 2009, Tuesday.

A new month, a new beginning?
The end of the February, the starting of the March.
Yesterday I woke up so early.
Around 9.40 am already woke up.
Guess what? It's because I need to bring my sister to school.
My mom said it's not safe for her go walk to school.
My mom scared her would be kidnap by people. O_O"
So, I had no choice at all but to do my duties.

 

For these few weeks, I had been locked myself alone inside my house.
I didn't go out, I didn't sms, I didn't communicate with the people outside, although i got my handphone.
All I did were listening to music and watching something from PPStream.
Sms and playing Maple? No at all.
I used to tell my friends that putting the earphones to listen to music was not good.
Nonetheless, I was doing that.
Somehow I didn't care about my ears and don't mind I becoming deaf soon.
I love PPStream.
I watched all kind of movies and dramas from PPStream.
I didn't mean those porn. -_-"
PPStream roar...!

4.23 a.m., 28 February 2009, Saturday.

I felt restless.

Maybe overloaded.

Trying to be prefect in everything.

I'm struggling so hard.

Hoped that everything back to normal.

I blamed myself, for the choice I made.

I regret for the choice I made.

Just because of my selfishness and laziness, I lost the things that should belongs to me.

When I saw those photos, I knew photos were histories and memories.

If I can time travel, I hope that I can fix everything.

I understood that I'm not 3 years old boy.

I tried to be mature and not act like a child.

I should accept the fate and do my part, play my roles.

 

It's had been a while that my blood test result comes out.

I think it's the time I should go and have a look.

WIth my unbalanced diet and unhealthy lifestyles, who knows what will happen.

4.03 a.m., 27 February 2009, Friday.

This is the blog before I'm going to sleep.

There were things that were bothering me.

It's makes me can't sleep.

Everytime I can't sleep, I would try to make myself tired,

So that I can go sleep.

I make my mind feel tired so that I can just lay on the bed and sleep.

I can still remember the very last time when I was like that.

It's months before the SPM.

I kept looking at the watch.

It's middle of the night, nearly dawn.

2 or 3 a.m. in the morning.

I slept at 12 a.m. and stay awake until 3 a.m.

I was thinking at that moment, I can't stop thinking.

Stuff just pop out from my mind from nowhere.

I tried to forget about the pass, tried to make myself to believe that the things left were the histories and memories.

Somehow I need to accept the fate, my destiny.

I admit that I was not mature enough and childish minded, and too playful.

Sometimes I joke too much and make people to believe that I was like some kind of playboy.

I always serious in the things I were doing.

I told my friends when they were joking at the wrong times.

I tried to keep my promises to my friends so that I will become more irresponsible.

Once I tried to became a perfect guy.

Nonetheless, no one was perfect.

Neither me nor you were perfect.

Human was weak, I'm weak also.

There are no perfectness.

12.58 am, Friday, 27 February 2009.

After what I have been though, i think blogging was my life.

After all, you can find all the stuff about me in my blogging website.

How terrible I'm, how nice i'm, how faithful i'm, how stupid i'm.

I maybe a stupid person, crazy and insane, childish, ummature minded

How I felt about you and everything.

The nice and those awful memories of mine.

 

Everytime I online, i check out my friends.

Tried my best to communicate with them, tried not to mess up everything.

I did hope February 2009 end fast and March come fast.

So that I could start all over again.

I always tell myself to stay awake.

When I was blur or out of mind, yelling and shouting at other people,

I sit there and breathe easily.

Inhale the air and exhale the air.

Again and again.

Just like when a pregnant woman gonna to give birth.

Don't laugh because it's sure make me comfortable.

When I out of my mind, when i'm angry, when i'm sad, when i'm gonna to cry, when i'm thinking to suicide,

I BREATHE.

 

I like blogging, although i'm using broken english and wrong grammar.

That will not stop me from blogging.

It's embarrassing...hahaha...

Blog just like an online diary.

An online diary that everyone can read it.

Do you know that it's weird?

People at 20th century tried hide their diary from been read by people.

Now, people at 21th century tried to give other people to read their diary.

Time have changed, maybe it's the time for me to change again.

I want to start all the things again.

So, I went to cut my hair 2 days ago.

The new hair style looks awful.

All my long hair had gone, only left short hair, very short hair.

The hair stylist make me looks like a sissy.

I got many feedbacks from my family and friends.

All of them said it looks terrible.

I have decided to razor my hair until bald.

I'm going to become insane.

Perharps I will razor my hair this week.

The time now is 2.07 am (GMT+8), 26 February 2009, Thursday.

I just finish taking my shower.

I can't sleep.

So, I go online and post some blog.

Recently, a lot of things were bothering me.

I tried not to think.

Nonetheless, the things just kept appear inside my head and make my head so big.

Most of the time, to make me stop thinking about those things, I put myself in hibernating mode.

I slept for all the time, just to avoid my mind from thinking.

 

It's totally a disaster.

My printer was broken.

And I can't print anything.

My air con broken too.

Lying on my bed, felt the hotness.

Sweat coming out from my sweat glands.

That make me felt like to kill someone to relief my pain.

It's all crap...

crap...! crap............................!

The year 2009 didn't go so well as i expected.

Especially the month of February.

I never thought that I'm goona to end up like this.

February 2009 was the worst month of my life.

I almost lost everything.

1. No income.

2. One of my classmate died in an accident.

3. One of my teacher I know died too.

4. I lost my love one.

5. My 2 maple id been hacked by people.

6. My e-mail nearly hacked by people too.

7. ???

 

What is next?

Could it be?

My SPM result?

This sounds crap but it's all true.

It's totally disaster to me.

Everything happened so fast.

Nonetheless, the only things left were the memories.

February 2009 sucks?

Indeed...

If,

out of time i could pick one moment and keep it shinning,

always new,

of all the days that i have lived,

i'd pick the moment i met you.

I miss those days.

When we were inside the class.

We chat. We laugh. We smile. We joke.

Those were the happy days.

I miss my schooling days.

I miss my friends.

Mike, Jon, Rene, Sam, Pou, PCK, Ong, Justin, Amy, Cecilia, Chloe, David, Fang Hua, Helen, Aibee, Hirman, Erma,Triple K, Kok Poh, Lina, Dieh, Q Hui, Sjafril, Teck, Wei King, Yek, Rima, Karam and others.

I really enjoy those days but not nowadays.

 

Back to old days.

Living like a bat.

Turning my days up and down.

Sleep at morning, wake up at night.

Didn't sms for the whole day long.

Felt sleepy. Felt bored. Felt lonely. Felt miserable.

No mood at all, unhappy and unsatisfy with my life.

Quit Maple after logging for few minutes because not in the mood.

Everyday doing the same thing - sleep, eat, bath.

Maybe because I'm jobless or something bothering me.

Sick of my damn life.

 

Relationship?

It's like the share marketing.

It rises and drops very quickly.

Relationship with friends? Maybe still keep in touch.

Relationship with gf?? It's freezing.

Everyone was connected or link to each other.

Some how they were connected.

It's just like their destiny to meet together and to be friend.

It looks like they all were part of the circle, they can't run away from the circle.

Each of them know themselves.

And each of them know theirs friends.

It's very weird for me as I can't believe what my eyes saw.

Because sometimes what you have seen may not be true.

My eyes were telling me that all of them were connected.

Unbelieveable...

 

This few day not in the mood.

I felt that everything piss me off.

Even the Valentine Day event.

I'm jobless now.

Thanks god I had quit the awful and pathetic job from the Sing Kwong Stupidmarket.

Everyday stay at home and watching my computer's monitor.

Log into the messenger and do nothing.

Go to the Friendster website and do nothing.

Play Maple the freaking game.

Look at my mobile contact list and do nothing.

Lay on my sofa and do nothing.

Some how I felt that I had no mood in everything.

I didn't learn how to drive car yet.

No idea what am I doing.

Worrying about my future and money too.

Indeed, money is not the roof of evil but money is the source of happiness.

I wish that I could just stay away from my house.

So that I could relax at other places, relaxing my mind, not to worry about anything.

I just wondering, am I gonna continue my miserable life like this?

Here comes the Valentine Day.

First time ever celebrating with my love one.

No idea how to celebrate and what to give.

But after thinking, planning and surveying for quite a long time, finaly had the idea.

Nothing is gonna to stop me now.

All I want was just to make her happy.

The way she smile...the way she talk...the way she looked at me...so gentle and beautiful.

Still headache with present that I want to give.

Hope that didn't over my budget.

 

When we were at home, who help us?

Our parent.

But when we were outside, who help us?

It's them, whom we called our "brother" and "sister".

Sometime, when we were in some difficult situation and we need help, we asked help from them.

Certainly, I doesn't see this kind of "phenomena" around me.

Most of the time, when I asked for help, many of my "brothers" ran away.

Should I consider them as my "brother"?

I used to believe in friendship and brotherhood.

But not now.

After what I have been through, It's difficult.

I tried to believe them...

Nonetheless, I doubt the word "believe".

Do you know the reason?

It's because there was "lie" between the word "believe"...

 

It's difficult to believe that after I had stop schooling, I almost lost all the contact with my friends.

Although we got mobile phone, that is what we human beings used to keep in touch with each other.

But we human beings were totally brainless because didn't use it.

That were really sad and pathetic.

Anthony De Croud once said,

"money can buy house, but not home;

money can buy watch, but not time;

money can buy bed, but not sleep;

money can buy books, but not knowledges;

money can buy medicine, but not health;

money can buy position, bu tno respect;

money can buy blood, but not life."

Indeed, these were true long time ago.

But in the reality, it's ridiculous.

Although money can't buy everything but in the reality world, money almost can buy anything.

Money is important.

Without money, you could die of hunger.

In these few days, i just realise that I spent a lot of money.

A lot of it.

Can you imagine?

I was an ordinary guy that works  as part time worker but spent money like turning the water tap and let the water running.

In a final note, Anthony De Croud was wrong.

Money can buy home, a comfortable home for your family, so that you can live happily with your family.

Money can buy time, because it makes you do your thing faster and easier.

Money can buy sleep, you can do your thing faster and easier so that you can sleep earlier.

Money can buy knowledges, you can buy a lot of books for you to read and gain your knowledges.

Money can buy health, you can treat your sickness and buy healthy food to eat.

Money can buy respect, people respect you if you got money.

Money can buy life, life was easier with money.

These were written by me, Louis Lee Shao Jun, not Anthony De Croud.

I never thought I'm losing my friends so fast.

I had finished my Form 5 and didn't contact with my classmates anymore.

I got most of my classmates' numbers but I neither call nor sms them.

Sometime I did send messages to them, but I didn't get any respond.

Some of them also got my numbers but didn't stay connected with me.

The worst thing was many of them did go to national service.

And I didn't go for national service because I'm not the chosen one.

How lucky I'm...

Some people did said after you found your soulmate, you would lost all your good friends, buddy.

I never believe in those things but after I experienced it, I can't believe it.

So, I'm losing all my good friends, my buddy.

Currently working.

And the job sucks.

I had to stand for around 9 hours everyday.

I works as a packer that pack all the things into the plastic bags.

Actually my job was the same as a labour.

I do all the stuffs.

Mopping, packing, pushing the trolly, help customer to take the things and etc.

And yet my salary lower than a labour.

I thought working was more than fun than studying.

I guess I'm wrong.

My working hours were longer than my studing hours.

Today is the forth day I work.

Honestly, I felt bored from the second day.

Standing at the cashier counter there and was not allowed to sit.

Following people's order.

No matter he or she was a supervisor or not, I had to follow.

For the past four days, today was the most tired.

The first day, I felt a bit tired.

The second day, I felt a bit tired and boring.

The third day, I felt it was boring.

And the forth day, I felt super boring and tired.

When I went back home, I really felt annoying after seeing my house was so messy.

I can't say they are brainless because they were better in their study.

Just that when you looked at my house, don't said they are brainless people.

After reading newspapers, throwing on the floor.

The new clothes my mom bought for them, also throwing on the floor.

Their books and school bag, for nearly one and a half month, still at my living room.

NO idea what the hell they were doing for the past holidays.

It's pathetic to live inside this kind of house.

I tried to clean up everything.

But I failed to.

Because everytime after I had cleaned up everything, the house back to "normal" after a few days.

Don't said I just tried for 1 time, because I had tried for many times.

And I had gived up already.

It's tired and pathetic.